How I used grounding techniques to help my daughter overcome her fear of swimming.
As a mum, I understand how challenging it can be to help our children cope with their emotions, especially when it comes to fear. Recently, I had an experience with my three-year-old daughter at the swimming pool, she panicked and went into a state of fear, but I was able to calm her down, ease her fears and go from a state of fear to fearless, in just 15 minutes, using a technique from my book Lolly, I Can Be Brave and So Can You.
It had been weeks since we had all been swimming together as a family, but as our little girl had had many swimming sessions I didn’t think much of it. As we arrived at the local pool on a beautiful sunny afternoon, my daughter's face lit up with excitement. She couldn't wait to get into the water. I had managed to convince her to wear a new swim vest with foam buoyancy aids, she was very sceptical at first but reluctantly tried it on, and she soon forgot about it as we entered to pool area. She jumped into the shallow end of the pool and started to splash around with pure joy.
At first, everything seemed fine, and she was having a great time. However, as she started to move further into the pool, the water got deeper, and she suddenly became aware of her surroundings. I noticed her face change from excitement to fear and she started to panic. I was by her side as she reached up and clung to me tightly. Her body was trembling, and her eyes were filled with anxiety.
I tried to calm her down, saying things like, ‘What’s wrong?, you have done this before, it’s all ok, you can do it.’, But she was too scared to let go of me. It was clear that she was struggling with a fear of the water, and in my surprise at her reaction, I was forgetting everyone I had learnt. My words were not having any effect, I was getting it all wrong. I knew I had to find something to help. So I stopped myself from saying anything else and thought for a moment.
As an author of a children's book about overcoming fear and anxiety, I have studied various techniques and strategies to help children manage their emotions. My good friend and contributor to my book gave me one of the best and most effective techniques that I have come across. A grounding technique, that helps to focus on the senses. I decided to use it to try and help my daughter.
At this point she had her eyes shut tight, and she was getting more agitated. Asking if we could go leave and go home. I so didn’t want that for her as I know she loves being in the water, but fears pop up at random times for toddlers as they develop a better understanding of the world around them.
I started by gently saying ‘Stop, breathe.’ I then asked her to look around and focus on something that she could see. I pointed to a colourful pool toy, and she looked at it, ‘an octopus’, she said nervously. Next, I asked her to listen to the sounds around her. We could hear the sound of children laughing, the water splashing, and the lifeguard talking. Then, I asked her to feel the water around her, and she noticed how warm and soft it felt. Lastly, I asked her what she could smell, the chlorine in the water. By focusing on her senses, my daughter was able to divert her attention from her fear and anxiety. I could see a little smile on her face and her grip around my neck was begging to ease, much to my relief.
After a few more minutes, the trembling had subsided, and she was more relaxed. I held her close and slowly carried her to the shallower end of the pool where she could stand. I continued to ask her to focus on her senses, and gradually, she became more confident. Soon, she was ready to try holding just my hands and kicking her little legs. As soon as she realised she wasn’t going to sink like a stone, and her head was above the water, she was away. I gently let go of her. She started to paddle, and I could see the joy and confidence in her eyes. It was incredible to see how quickly she had overcome her fear of the water.
In just 15 minutes, my daughter had gone from clinging onto me in fear to swimming independently and feeling so confident. In fact, she didn’t even want me to touch her, she wanted to swim to all the bath toys we had with us that were bobbing up and down all around her. I felt a tremendous sense of relief and pride in my daughter. This experience also reaffirmed my belief in the power of the techniques in my book. Lolly, I Can Be Brave and So Can You.
Helping children cope with fear and anxiety can be challenging, and every child is different but it is possible. Using techniques that focus on their senses can be an effective way to help children manage their emotions. The other big element of why this worked so well and so fast was my own confidence, in myself and in my daughter. I showed no fear, none at all, and I had been telling her right from the start that she could do it. But without a technique to back it up my words were empty. Now she has more confidence in me, to be able to help in situations when she is feeling nervous. Which is wonderful.
What we say and how we feel can have a huge impact on a child. If they can see the confidence in you then they will have an easier time finding it in themselves.
As a mother and an author, I have seen firsthand the benefits of these techniques and there are lots more at the back of the book to try out.
I’d love to hear from you. Please let me know if you have had success in tackling fears and anxiety. What techniques did you use and what worked for your child? Comment below I would love to share with our community to help each other and our children overcome their fears to live the best lives they can.
Lolly, I Can Be Brave and So Can You is now available as a Kindle digital book.
Click here to find out more.
References:
Leong, K. (2020). The Little Book of Calm: Techniques for Overcoming Anxiety and Fear in Children. London: Summersdale Publishers.
Roth, S. (2021). Helping Children Overcome Fear and Anxiety: A Guidebook for Parents. New York: Guilford Press.